12.29.09
First things first
I’ve been avoiding this space.
There are two reasons. One, I’m still sick. Have been sick for months now*. Coughing. It’s neither funny nor interesting, yet sinisterly all-consuming. But, seriously, I really don’t want to talk about it.
The other reason.
An old friend passed away suddenly last month just days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and, because she was a loyal and supportive reader here, it just hasn’t felt the same. I’d begin to compose a post in my mind and I’d quickly get tripped up on the empty chair in my imaginary audience.
I want to keep this short. I won’t stake any claim on grief when I’m not at the epicentre of this tragedy; this story belongs to her husband and her two little kids. But there’s this: Robyn, Honey, it’s not fair. Thirty-three is too young. I know you didn’t want to leave your kids behind. Fuck cancer — you didn’t deserve this.
And there’s this: You were a sweet person. I’ve known you all my life and can’t remember you once making a cutting remark about someone else. Poised — you were poised. You could sing like an angel, but maybe kindness was your true talent.
And there’s this: Thank you for reading. Thank you for your support.
I’ll see you on the other side, old friend.
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*Yes, the doctor. I’ve been to the doctor. In short, they have no idea. Which: what can you do.