08.27.08
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Something to ponder: I’ve lost a bra. I don’t necessarily have a running tally of my undergarments, but this particular piece was notable because it was a) new b) expensive c) comfortable and, therefore, d) beloved. How does one lose a bra, one might ask. And one might answer I SERIOUSLY DON’T KNOW, as this particular undergarment a) did not yet have the opportunity to travel and is, therefore, not crammed into a secret inside pocket of a suitcase b) did not have to leave the apartment to be laundered and, as such, the old fate of dropping out of the laundry basket and languishing on the basement stairs before being discreetly whisked away by the building’s janitor does not apply (the only place for it to fall would have been my kitchen floor and that is something that I would notice, underwear on the kitchen floor) and, therefore, c) one can only conclude that the bra has never left my apartment except when I have been wearing it. Which brings me back to the original question: How does one lose a bra? The only options here are for it to have become lost WHILE I WAS WEARING IT, which is DEFINITELY something I would notice, or that it somehow…vaporized in the wash*.
Anyway. Next time you’re walking down the street and you see a random undergarment lying in the gutter and you think to yourself “Seriously, people, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?” you can think of me. I don’t know how it happens either, but it DOES. Who knows—maybe I have a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire and I just haven’t realized it yet.
(It could be worse. It could be like the time I lost a skimpy thong and tracing my steps lead me to the realization that I had left it in my father-in-law’s guest bedroom. Only he wasn’t my father-in-law yet, just my boyfriend’s dad who I’d just met. CLASSY.)
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*Such things happen. I knew a lady who kept losing her pantyhose. She thought she was going nuts because she’d put them in the wash, throw them in the dryer, and then they’d just be GONE. She’d look behind the dryer, behind the washer, on the stairs…And then the dryer started acting up and it turned out it had been emitting some kind of gas that was literally causing her nylons to vaporize. Can you imagine? Having to question your sanity like that over pantyhose, of all things?
